These are the stories that make me chuckle.
Apparently, in Niskayuna on December 16th, an 89-year-old man named Frank Parisi took a bunch of pills in an attempt to end his life.
That's not funny, I know.
After Mr. Parisi took his pills trying to overdose and end his life, for no reason, he then took a pillow and tried, in vain, to smother his 87-year-old sister in an attempted murder-suicide.
Don't worry, no one died, the two farts are still alive and kicking!
Apparently the old man called a family friend, who then called the police (good call, by the way), after he tried to cut short his already rapidly ending life.
This makes me wonder, what the hell was so bad that you would kill yourself and your sister at such an advanced age.
Were you not dying quick enough? I mean, shit, you're 89 and 87 respectively, I think you didn't have much longer left to be honest.
I mean you're 89-years-old, you probably couldn't fully smother your own sister because in mid-smother you, literally, forgot what you were doing.
You, also, have to pee 592 times a day and you go to sleep at 7pm only to wake up at 4:30am.
I mean this guy probably has those guards on his bed to keep him from falling out like some 7-year-olds had on the upper bunk of their bunk bed (yes, I was on the top bunk, ya got me!).
I'm just struggling in my mind to figure out what the fuck this old fart was thinking.
Seriously, you're one tick shy of NINETY FUCKING YEARS OLD!
Mr. Parisi will be arraigned sometime in 2010 according to the article, if you bothered to read it.
I'll be honest, this bastard will probably die before then.